Term 3 Week 5
W.A.L.T write a narrative
Success Criteria
I know I will be successful when….
- The title is suitable for the text.
- The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
- The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
- The resolution explains how the problem was solved.
- Seeks feedback and makes changes to texts to improve clarity and meaning.
Punctuation
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Vocabulary
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Self
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R4
| R5 |
Peer
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R4
| R5 |
I was awakened from my dark and lonely sleep. How did I get up here?
Then I had a thought to myself. That's right, I was launched up into space from America 65 years ago in 1961. Now it is 2026 . But I was really supposed to be in space for 4 weeks to do an experiment on the Galaxy. I tried to make contact with my trainer Jim,
Crrr “Jim are you there?” Crrr.
No one was there to reply back to me. Then I had a feeling to myself. Am I still alive because all I could feel was that last deep push of breath. I said to myself Is this over, I have been in space for 65 years but I was supposed to be in space for 4 weeks .
Then…
Then I saw something bright shining onto my face then I opened my eyes there it was the bright and yellow sun reflecting onto my face. Then I opened my eyes again and there I saw the world I have been looking for earth. I was feeling so proud of myself, I was still alive over 65 years and the world has managed to stay together.
I reached my hand out to turn my capsule control to earth to start to get closer to earth and get a better landing. But while I was falling into earth I close my eyes and was feeling really excited the ride was really rocky so had to stay calm.
Terra firma!!!!!
I got up out of my seat and heard the massive crack in my back after sitting there for 65 years and it felt incredible. But once I opened my stiff and rusty door I saw something I did not want to see. All I saw was dead trees, smoke and demolished buildings along with broken glass. Once I saw all that terrible stuff I went for a little walk with my exhausted legs. Once I could not walk any longer I gave up and layed on the brown and dusty ground and fell into a sleep. Someone was poking me with a stick then I woke back up. Then I saw another chimp family. They were called the wilson family. I thought they were a nice family until I ask them a question. Do you know where all the human’s have gone especially my trainer jim? Then he whispered like there was someone important around but no one was really there except the wilson family. His family said quietly we are the one that got rid of the humans. POW pops out the mighty yell WHAT!!! Why would you do that. Because we hate humans they are the one that locked us in cages we were not happy we had to change something. Then they said to me
“ do you want to go hunting for a trophy”
“Ok is it going to be fun?”
“Maybe but now we need a trophy”
“I thought you had one?”
“No we don’t maybe you should be our trophy”
“ I think I know where this is going”
“Do you now”
Then as soon as he said now you better start running I was starting to get quite Worried. Then they started chasing after me with a stick. Then I said
“why are you doing this”
“Because you were raised by a human”
Then I heard in the distance sticks cracking and rocks skipping across the ground. Then I saw the most incredible thing ever it was my one and only jim my trainer. I had so much motivation inside of me to run as fast as I could on my exhausted legs. Then those nasty old chimps did not want to hit me with that stick any more because my trainer jim was there. The chimps were scared of getting locked up again in those horrible cages. You will not put the wilson family back there again. (said the wilson family) Then I said I will not put you back there if you guys do not hurt anymore humans that come to this world. Fine we will not hurt anymore humans (Said the family) Then while the wilsons walked off into the brown and ugly jungle I said to my to jim
“Goodbye wilson's hope we see you around”
“We hope we see you around as well”
Then the both of the family went walking off into their own places where will they travel to next.
Here is the link of the video we are writing about.
Good job Dakota. I like how you said I was awakened from my dark and lonely sleep that create a picture in my head.Next time you could put some paragraph in it.
ReplyDeleteHi Dakota, good job. I like how you said I got up out of my seat and heard the massive crack in my back after sitting there for 65 years and it felt incredible. Good job, do same more of it Dakota.
ReplyDeleteGood job Dakota I like your story. I like the part where you added a good twist that creates a picture in my head about what's happening. On the part when it said I reached my hand out to turn my capsule control to earth to start to get closer to earth and get a better landing it doesn’t make sense. But great job.
ReplyDelete